scotch-whiskey

some one of them was telling a long joke that needed a punchline or an abortion. it was warm for December, mid 50's, with an awkward sort of balminess that moistened the skin and clammed the palms right up. their collective breath smelled of scotch-whiskey.

one of his boys spoke as if he was simply delivering reality to those listening. delivering reality. it had impressed him enough to wonder why near every one else delivered their declarations with massive qualifiers. he thought of the quote from Infinite Jest "you will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do."


they were doing some records, current was 'the lengths' by The Black Keys. and he was picturing himself bending a solo guitar note into an actual human feeling like that and he remembered a dream...

doctor's note

Patient details elaborate dream in frighteningly vivid detail involving the carrying of a mountain bike over his shoulder in an effort to discreetly break into a large and dilapidated house that is being squatted in by some friends. friends that have 'fallen on hard times' as a result of drug use, apparently. There is also a description of a cursory ice hockey game that is being played outside of the house - '100 or 150 yards away.' the participants of the game are some of same friends that are squatting in the house. ...vague memory of his own near participation in the game...and other .

Upon entering the house which is apparently a quite difficult task given the bike on the shoulder and a confusing fence structure that is unstable but must be scaled; the patient describes house mates as 'dusty with actual noticeable grime on the front portion but not the back of each dweller's body' and also describes the sudden realization that he also apparently also resides in the house but that he is not 'grimy'. Patient cites among hockey players / house dwellers a friend from college, 'a funny friend' and a girl from childhood, 'a pretty girl' that had quote both actually fallen on real-life hard times.

Scenic notes; home is a dilapidated Victorian but of extremely far than less than livable conditions. Fear has permeated dream sequence at time of fence scaling and also a general feeling of anxiety throughout the house sequence. Dirt or dust is blackish and is a prominent feature within the dream. No sexual or libidinous impulses.

projection

he was mad, scowl-wearing and such. And curt with his spouse and with others too but mostly with her. she was easiest to blame and quite harmless and thus a perfect projection for his rages and his own problems, despite unfortunately her total innocence in creating any of them. the irony of the rages now being that he can at this point in life, with such vast and keen knowledge of himself, see where they, the rages, have spawned and which specific stressors are going to send his insides into a panic. he likes to connect them (the rages), via fashionable psychological utterances, to some retention failures as a toddler. no way to prove any of it but in short: something about his life had not turned out the way he planned and, being an anal-retentive in need of constant control, it filled him with a rage. this much was obvious and was practically a defining feature of our hero.